Developing a support system:
You have to be willing to ask for help. It doesn’t make you weak; it’s OK to let people give you what they can.
Be open and honest about what you need.
The benefit of a support system is that your whole network won’t be down on the same day. When you really need support, someone will be there.
Expect ups and downs over the following months, but trust that the pain will gradually lessen.
Giving support to a grieving friend:
Remember that your friend is in a very different place emotionally.
If you’re not sure what to say or do, just ask. Say, “Do you feel like talking about this right now?” If they do, be there for them.
Don’t tell them you know how they feel, unless you’ve really been there. You don’t have to know exactly what they are going through to offer support.
If they don’t want to discuss their heartache, don’t press the issue. Let them know that you are there for them regardless.
Don’t treat your friend like an invalid. Encourage him or her to get out and get busy doing day-to-day activities.
Be supportive but not smothering.
Recognize that you may need your own support system. Sometimes you can give support, and other times you’ll need to receive it. Don’t expect yourself to always be the leader.
Watch out for a shift into depression. If you see your friend withdrawing into an emotion fetal position, it’s time to intervene.
I know it took me a while to reply to this, but hopefully the long answer makes up for that. I hope you are doing okay. Stay safe and strong beautiful and I promise you will make it through! xx
For those who suffer from PTSD, nightmares, flashbacks, or anxiety, I learned that having something to keep you grounded while having an “attack” is helpful. While I was in the hospital, I was told a frozen orange works. Needless to say, it does. I was having a flashback and I took the frozen orange and rolled it in my hands and passed it back and forth until I felt better. The texture of the orange and the coldness from being frozen calms you down.
A lot of people don’t know about this, so I figured I would share.
So, I’ve realized that I have all these great self care resources that I use for both myself and others and I think having them in one easy accessible location would be useful, although several of the links may be repeat links, SORRY
- The Everything Post (studying, writing, art, makeup, hair, food, movies/tv, music/audio, free books, bored?, self-help, clothing, backgrounds, pixels, HTML)
- Resource Masterpost (converting websites, “daily use,” fashion/makeup/hair, food in under 10 minutes, help for school, helpful websites [whatever that means], how to, life tips, other, photoshop, readers/writers, sounds, tumblr help, when you are bored, when you are sad, movies)
- The Big Relaxation Post (ambient noises, nature videos, databases, just for fun)
- Coping Skills and Distractions (coping skills, meditation and relaxation, crafts, games, videos)
- Recovery Resources (emergencies, finding therapy/doctors/medication, general recovery, substance addictions, restrictive eating disorders, binge/compensate eating disorders, binge ed/compulsive eating disorders, general anxiety, social phobia/anxiety, depression, family/friends
- Self Injury Recovery Masterpost
- Help With… (abuse, anxiety disorder/panic attacks, bipolar disorders, depression, eating disorders, grief and loss, LGBT, self harm, staying positive, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts/suicide prevention, trauma/ptsd, other)
- Hobbies Masterpost
- The Tumblr Guide To Healthy Living (nutrition, recipes, desserts, clense/detox, veganism/vegetarianism, weight loss, calculators, exercise, feeling good, battling eating disorders, “inspiration”) I do NOT promote losing weight for the sake of losing weight, thinspiration, dieting, fasting, or any of that. the list is here for recipes and exercises. I am a strong follwer of body positivity and HAES. You are wonderful the way you are!
Food to Make
- Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream Sandwiches
- Banana Cream Pie Cupcakes
- Cookie Masterpost
- 25 Hot Chocolate Recipes
- 2-4 Ingredient Recipes
- Ganache truffles recipe
- Oatmeal Masterpost
- Food On A Stick
- Food in a Mug
- Apple Recipes
- Chocolate Chip Cookie Guide
- Eggless Cookie Dough (for eating!)
- Like 500 recipes
- PB lava cookies
- Reptar Bars
Things I Can Say to Myself When I Feel Shitty
- You realize you’re not alone, right?
- Repeat after me
- Daily Motherfucking Reminder
- Why not to kill yourself
- You are allowed
- You still have
- Fuck yea me
- Owl Loves Me
- Emotional Support Bunny
- I am Cute Too
- Twenty Dollars
- It’s Okay if you aren’t
- Mental Grounding
- I’m a Fucking Unicorn
- Gold Stars
- Permission Slip
- I’m Proud
- Remember the Sloths
- You have Survived
- Grover Does Science
- Just Listen
- Video Game Fail
- The dog who can’t run
- Baby Hippo
- Animaniacs Nations of the World (no longer accurate world representation)
- John John counts with Grover
- Animals being cute
- Classic Paintings with Sesame Street Characters
- Best Song
- Best Moment in Film History
- Babies Experiencing Things
- Dog is Eeyore
- Low-Viscosity Rayon
Dealing with Assault/Trauma
- No is a complete sentence.
- One Day I will have I body you’ve never touched
- Self-care after rape
- Affirmations for different shit
- How to be a friend to someone with PTSD
- Resources for Male Survivors
- Help for Men
- Musicals you can find on Youtube
- Movies/miniseries about lesbians with happy endings
- Randomish distractions
- Websites for when you want to…
- Random distractions
- 10 things to do when you feel like crap
- Free Audio Books
- Education at your fingertips
- Toy Story IRL
- Book Resources
- Disney/Pixar masterpost
- Disney Movies You’ve Never Heard Of
- Free Classes at MIT
- Silky Motherfuckin Legs
- Broadway Musical Sountracks
- Finals Survival Guide
- Relaxation Stuff
- All of Bill Nye the Science Guy
- List of Distractions
- Have Another
- And Another
- No really, I insist
- Just One More
- Emotions Chart
- Calm Box
- Coping Skills Toolbox
- Showering when you don’t have spoons
- Breathing Technique
- Emotional Baggage Check
- Online suicide hotline (not 24/7)
- The Butterfly Project
- Have you taken care of yourself?
- 7 Day Positive Challenge
- 30 Day Positivity Challenge
- Helpful websites
- Degrees of Emotion
- Virtual Hug/Hotlines
- Hotline Numbers
- Panic and Anxiety Masterpost
If they are joking about you then they aren’t very good friends, are they? One of the most helpful things may be to simply just try and find other people to hang out with (I know this can be hard but it can’t really be worse than people making jokes about you).
There is absolutely no need to feel pathetic over your PTSD. It affects everyone differently, no one is the same. If someone you knew had been through what you’ve been through, would you think they were pathetic?
Some things you could do:
Feel free to message in again if you need any more help/details of anything xx
I would sit her down when you feel ready and explain what happened to you and then go on to say that it had nothing to do with her and that it’s not her fault. Treat it the same way you would telling a survivor of abuse that it’s not their fault. ie. you didn’t know so you couldn’t stop it etc.
You can also let her know that you would find it unhelpful for her to say those kinds of things (ie. that she failed as a mother) and ask her not to do so.
If you are looking at therapy as an option then the therapist may suggest that your mum comes in for a session (or your mum could get her own therapist because that in itself could be useful for her).
If you do decide to tell her don’t let her feelings get in the way of your recovery because it will just make you feel guilty. Remember that how she deals with it is her problem and if she doesn’t want to help you by not saying those things then that is her problem. I know it’s hard but the more you talk the easier it will be.