Corrective rape occurs when someone rapes a spectrum* individual with the aims to make them cis and/or straight, and/or punish them for not being cis and/or straight.
Their identity is used both in targeting them, and in taunting them throughout the trauma. It is used as an excuse.
While survivors of corrective rape span many orientations and genders, it is often primarily aimed at trans women and women perceived to be lesbians. Corrective rape can also happen to children, particularly gender-variant children, and some attackers will hold it over the child’s head as a way to further ensure their silence.
These survivors tend to have one of two reactions, many will retreat back into the closet and others will take it as ‘I have nothing left to lose’ and start to be more open and loud with their identities/activism regarding it. A great deal of them will be suspicious/anxious around ‘the other’ after their assault, wondering who will hurt them next.
Survivors of corrective rape need support from their spectrum community, and the survivor community. Not to be treated poorly because of their identities, or their hesitations to trust cishets after what happened to them.
They do not need to be further marginalized by ‘are you sure you aren’t _____ because you don’t want to be with someone like your attacker?’; in the case of polysexuals, be told that they’re only into people of their attacker’s gender because of the trauma; or be told that maybe they are the gender they are because either ‘you learned that [gender of attacker] is stronger than [your assigned/designated at birth gender]’ or ‘you just don’t want to be [gender of attacker].’
but they asked it non-anon, but I think it might help to answer it here because a lot of folks struggle with this.
The gist of it (because I don’t want to accidentally out you with details) is ’ I was recently assaulted, how do I get back to sleep?’
but I also am going to point out some ones that really helped me.
and also say.. unfortunately, that close to what happened… sleep isn’t going to be easy and it isn’t going to be something I can solve for you. After my assault… I went 80 hours without sleeping on a regular basis. I exhausted myself to the point that I literally fell asleep standing up in a store, fell asleep standing up on a bus once, I might have tried to take a nap on the sidewalk outside of target, and notably- once fell asleep in the middle of dinner- literally face in my plate style. I was in college and everyone kind of got used to it. I had three different friends who often caught me, or pulled me under their arm because I’d be too exhausted to really walk by myself. (also if you can. avoid going 80 hours. nightmares are better than what happens when you stay awake that long. Trust me on that. )
I don’t tell you that to make you feel hopeless, because I did eventually figure some things out.
FIRST stop drinking caffeine. No really. stop. I was sitting there, sleep deprived enough that I was hallucinating half the time- and literally.. I spent most of my food plan on caffeine. Like 7 20 oz a day of my preferred soda, coffee in the afternoon, and at least 3 energy drinks. Usually more. and occasionally those weird energy products as well. We had ones in our store that were gummies and I was under the impression that a pack of those counted as eating a meal. (… I wasn’t that good at eating either. shhh.)
Fun fact- you can ‘od’ on caffeine. I did this multiple times. While it is nothing like oding on the other things I did. When you’re already a sleep deprived mess- suddenly feeling all the pores in your face and all the blood rushing through your body except where you’ve gone numb, and thinking your heart is going to explode…. not fun times.
If you can’t stop completely- majorly ween it. Other than this past week where I drank dr. pepper to deal with campers- I’d gone… 3-4 months? without caffeine. My life is much better for it. much better.
Change the way where you sleep looks like.
I’ve known people who literally the only thing it took for them to be able to get to sleep- was to change where their bed was. I don’t know why this is a thing. But I can tell you that it is.
I was fond of forts.It was a dark enclosed space. I also was fond of sleeping on the ground (I kept my mattress there.)
Also, fairy lights or night lights of some kind do amazing things for a lot of folks.
Make the place you sleep- a safe place. I think the reason the moving thing works is that it helps break the ‘this is a scary place this is where I stay awake/this is where I nightmare’ cycle. If there’s a blanket or a stuffed animal that you could use, use it. there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I know someone who after their assault, could only sleep in the living room. That’s okay too. Find what works for you.
If you have awesome friends, use them.
Eventually people get tired of catching you when you fall asleep standing up. when they get tired of that, they make everyone go back to the dorm, put you on the common room couch and tuck you in.
It became a thing. While two of my friends studied, I slept on the couch. Usually for less than an hour. Sometimes we’d do it in the morning and in the evening. But it was at least sleep. I started to get more stable as I went from not sleeping for 80 hours with small crashes in between. To at least having an hour or two a day.
Another weekend- her and her roommate both left. Her roommate came running up to me in the hallway and thrust their key in my hand. ’ We’re going to be gone and everyone knows you don’t sleep in your room. You can sleep in here this weekend’. It was super sweet.
Have a night routine. When I started sleeping again at night- I had a routine. and I followed it, every night. It involved getting away from electronics at a certain time and then I dumped. I wrote poetry I wrote about what upset me that day I wrote about my worries or I drew or I did something that got out the feelings. Some days I just punched my reflex bag. and then I showered. and then I laid down in bed, and listened to either like.. ted talks or calming music quietly as I tried to drift off to sleep.
If in 30 minutes I was still awake, I allowed myself to get up and read or write until I was ready to try laying down again.
But also- definitely read the nightmare piece. There are ways to process and work through nightmares. It’s a way of finding something that works for you.
Abusive Expectations - Makes impossible demands, requires constant attention, and constantly criticizes.
Aggressing - Name calling, accusing, blames, threatens or gives orders, and often disguised as a judgmental “I know best” or “helping” attitude.
Constant Chaos - Deliberately starts arguments with you or others. May treat you well in front of others, but changes when you’re alone.
Rejecting - Refusing to acknowledge a person’s value, worth or presence. Communicating that he or she is useless or inferior or devaluing his or her thoughts and feelings.
Denying - Denies personal needs (especially when need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.
Degrading - Any behavior that diminishes the identity, worth or dignity of the person such as: name-calling, mocking, teasing, insulting, ridiculing,
Emotional Blackmail - Uses guilt, compassion, or fear to get what he or she wants.
Terrorizing - Inducing intense fear or terror in a person, by threats or coercion.
Invalidation - Attempts to distort your perception of the world by refusing to acknowledge your personal reality. Says that your emotions and perceptions aren’t real and shouldn’t be trusted.
Isolating - Reducing or restricting freedom and normal contact with others.
Corrupting - Convincing a person to accept and engage in illegal activities.
Exploiting - Using a person for advantage or profit.
Minimizing - A less extreme form of denial that trivializes something you’ve expressed as unimportant or inconsequential.
Unpredictable Responses - Gets angry and upset in a situation that would normally not warrant a response. You walk around on eggshells to avoid any unnecessary drama over innocent comments you make. Drastic mood swings and outbursts.
Gaslighting -A form of psychological abuse involving the manipulation of situations or events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions and memories. Gaslighting causes victims to constantly second-guess themselves and wonder if they’re losing their minds.
National Autism Resources - the ones linked are fur but you might need to look into it a little more because I think these are just covers to go over another weighted blanket (which is another idea you may want to consider
Good luck with finding one you like lovely xx
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
This involves gradually exposing yourself to thoughts and feelings related to the trauma. It also involves identifying distorted thoughts and replacing them with more balanced ones.
Kati Morton Video
There are several types of medication you can use, although I think antidepressants are most commonly used. If you are considering medication you should talk to a doctor about it as they can give their opinion and prescribe it to you.
To my knowledge the type of treatment doesn’t differ much because of the cause.
Here is a study that was done (only about females) in 1999. I cant really find any other relevant resources, so I’ll just give you my opinion. I would say that it would have an impact in the way that if you were a girl abused by a man then later in life you might tend to shy away from intimacy with men and not have an interest in them. Does that make sense? If anyone else has any thoughts/information on this feel free to message in xx
There is a difference between blaming and shaming a person. Blaming is being told you did something wrong. Shaming is being told that there’s something wrong with you, and you’re worthless, bad, inferior or inadequate. Examples of shaming statements include:
· “You were a mistake; I wish I’d never had you”
· “You’re useless; you’ll never amount to anything.”
· “You could never do what he/she does”
· “You’ve ruined my life; you ruin everything for everyone”
Adults shamed in childhood have the following traits:
1. They are afraid to share their true thoughts and feelings with others.
2. They are terrified of intimacy and put up walls in relationships. They also fear commitment as they expect to be rejected.
3. They are often extremely shy, easily embarrassed, and are terrified of being shamed or humiliated. They tend to suffer from debilitating false guilt.
4. They struggle with feelings of worthlessness and believe they are inferior to others. They believe that is something they can never change as worthlessness is at the core of who they are.
5. They often feel ugly and flawed, even when they’re beautiful – and everyone tells them that.
6. They may be narcissistic and act as if they have it all together; alternatively, they may be completely selfless, almost to the point of being a doormat.
7. They are often very defensive and find it hard to bear the slightest criticism. They feel as if they are being constantly watched and judged.
8. They have a pervasive sense of loneliness and always feel like outsiders (even when others genuinely like and love them).
9. They feel controlled – as if they always have to do want others want and say – and this blocks spontaneity.
10. They are perfectionists and usually suffer from performance anxiety. This may also cause them to be procrastinators.
11. They tend to block their feelings through compulsive behaviors like eating disorders, retail therapy or substance-abuse.
12. They find it hard to establish and enforce healthy boundaries with others.