Disclaimer: The But! series is being done to address common self victim blaming. This series is not intended to be used to educate non-survivors. This series is done by a survivor for other survivors. The pronouns used in the But! series will be random, often times switching even throughout the post.
But… women can’t rape…
But it can’t be as bad because she was a girl.
Survivors who have been raped and abused by women are often dismissed because women aren’t the stereotyped attacker.
But women can coerce and use force just the same as men can. and women can and do abuse their positions of power in order to get away with rape and abuse. Society only enables this by claiming that women cannot be abusers/rapists.
If you were raped by a woman, you are still allowed to just call it rape. You are not some asterisk, some subset that is somehow lesser. What you went through is no less traumatic due to the gender of the person doing the assaulting.
It does not mean that you should have been able to get away- to over power her, because after all, you were evenly matched or stronger. We recognize the argument ‘you should have fought more’ as victim blaming when talking to survivors of men, and we can do the same when talking to survivors of women. Physical strength is not the only type of threat out there, and the idea that women must be weak enough to be easily fought off is ridiculous.
Your trauma is valid. You did what you could in the situation with the information that you had. You did what you thought best in order to survive.
Your pain is valid. and you deserve a place in this community just the same as the rest of us.
You are valid. and you deserve the right to talk about what happened to you without fear that mentioning the gender of your attacker will cause others to shame you.
Take care of yourself, okay?
You should definitely tell someone, it is really important to get your friend out the abusive environment she is in. Telling a boarding mistress would be fine, just make sure she does something about the situation. I know you’re scared because your friend is suicidal, but this is a really brave step to take and I know you can do it. Don’t hesitate to message if you need anymore help xx
Self harm related
Also remember to talk to your friend about what she needs, and about what she would like you to do/act. She may not know what she needs from you, but it is good to ask anyway.
Your PTSD could be affecting your sleeping and general mood which could in turn be affecting the amount of nightmares you have. So yes, in a round about way it could be from your PTSD.
Why does Heaven sound lonely to you hun? Supposedly it is a place of peace and love. Also, why does it make you want to jump off a bridge? If you are interested in religion/Christianity maybe you could try going to a Church and talking to some of the pastors there (C3 Churches are good if you are interested). If not, then that’s okay too. You shouldn’t feel pressured to believe in something just because of people saying that you should.
Being honest with you, you probably won’t ever forget what happened. The thing you can do however is learn to lessen how much pain remembering causes you. Could you report him? Or try getting a therapist? I know it sucks knowing that your abuser is alive and fine while you have to be suffering, but things will get better I promise you. Just keep fighting okay? xx
I know you sent this a couple days ago, but it seriously just made my day. I’m glad what I’m doing helps - that’s the whole point of it! You are absolutely beautiful, and thank you <3
Things to look out for in partners: